28.
Short.
Loosing my hair drastically.
Tubby.
The epitome of male attractiveness.

28 is good, happy with 28.
My new platform heals have put an extra foot on my height, albeit I sway in a strong to middling wind (note to self: more roughage).
Sadly at the age of 17 I started down the (what I hoped would be a long road, say 40 - 50 years) short road to losing my hair. Now it's like a lawn in summer where you get brown empty patches and despite watering, the grass refuses to grow.

Masculine features are usually considered attractive. Strong jaw, muscular arms, fart jokes etc.. Why is the high forehead rather than being considered sexy actually considered accountancy?

Don't get me wrong, I don't lose sleep at night having had a nightmare of trolls creeping in with a bic razor and a tub of foam. Usually it's a stocking clad person... but the foam bit is the same. In the case of dreams the person is Emma Jackson from Customer Support, in nightmares it's Michael Jackson from Neverland.

Anyway, my next point.

I admit to enjoying my fair share and possibly the next towns fair share of fattening items. Usually savoury things like chicken (particularly chicken wings and skin when crispy), eggs and the amber nectar.. beer.
My belly is now more beer than belly.

Decisive action had to be taken! Despite my hatred of all things faddy and associated with being trendy, I’ve taken to the gym. Now the monster with the Bic razor has also been at my legs, not shaving them you understand, I do that myself.. no, no.. this far worse. This time he’s poured some kind of lead into my thighs. I guess this was an attempt to help my exercising by my having to heave these now very heavy painful legs around. Now I walk like John Wayne after getting off a horse from a very long ride, much to the enjoyment of my colleagues.

I’ve also taken up Judo. I very much enjoyed the first lesson (last Monday), I used to do this at the age of 8 when I earned my yellow belt. This means that I had to fight another 8 year old and beat the crap out of him. Presumably this means I have to beat another 8 year old to get my orange belt. Sadly I have to earn my yellow belt again as a senior. Actually this evolves learning 3 Japanese words and 3 moves. This Judo looks like it’s gonna be easier than I thought! I already know Sushi, Origami and Spaghetti.. for the 3 moves I think I’ll go for pawn on B2 to B4, Birmingham to Shrewsbury and hitting on the Director’s wife. Boldness I think, is the best strategy.

Well, it’s time for my bath and I know how Nanny likes to rub her wet furry flannel behind my ears.

See you soon

Lots of love

Will