I had a conversation with a work colleage the other day, the upshot of which was that he'd seen a ghost once and believed aliens regularly visit Earth.

I'm a pretty open minded chap I like to think, but quite logical (in a frivelous kind of a way).

Ghosts: I've never seen one, having said that I won't deny the possibility that they might exist simply because I haven't seen one. I've also never seen a prostitute (I probably have and just don't know it), but I'm pretty sure they exist. Now I come to think about it actually I have seen a prostitute. Anyway you get the idea.
If ghosts do exist then logically they'd behave a little like there former selves. But when you hear ghost stories it's always that the ghost is spooky, scarily throwing things around or mute and disarming. You never hear about chummy ghosts (outside of kids stories) or egotistical ghosts waving vapourous Rolex watches, trying to insinuate that his ghost Porsche is far better than one you could ever afford.

Personally I could really do with a polteguist which wouldn't mind doing a bit of programming whilst I stay at home for a day.

Alans: No hang on, that should be 'Aliens' sorry.. I've never heard of anyone being abducted by a spaceship full to the brim of Alans. No, that'd be ridiculous. I don't know why you brought it up in the first place!

Aliens: That's better, now don't do it again! I don't deny that aliens may exist. I think it reasonably likely that in the vast reaches of space that some other planets may have life forms. Given however the vastness of space and the amount of time it takes to travel (even at tremendous speeds) from one star to another, it seems unlikely. Less likely still is that beings clever enough to create a machine which can do this, they'd also have prior knowledge of our systems of detecting them. Then finally, they'd have a supreame interest in American's arse-holes. So much so that many an American claims to have had their bums fiddled around with so much that they walk home from an abduction legs acimbo.
I ask one question. Which is more likely?
a) Aliens have done all of the things mentioned above.
b) People have taken amusing substances and imagined the aliens whilst their best mates carefully tuck their green mask away in a draw and zip up their flies.
c) People want attention and possible money from selling their story.
d) Alans have done all of the things mentioned above.

And finally...
Prostitutes: Yes, I know I said it'd be psychics, but I didn't want to degrade myself with taking about such a base level job taking advantage of peoples needs and desires.
I remembered that I have met a prostitute earlier in this post and thought you might like to know about it. No? Well sqrew you! No, I won't tell you now.. no not even for a biscuit.. oh alright then..

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.
When I was living in Birmingham, I lived in a flat in an old house. This house was in a very nice area of Birmingham (Solihull), however my flatmates were colourful characters.
One of them was a lively prostitute who's gentleman callers were usually adorned by tatoos, scabs, broken noses (by which I mean they each had a broken nose, not that each one had more than one nose, although they may have, I didn't look too closely I'm afraid) and an air of someone who isn't terrably fussy about the HotOrNot rating of his purchased 30 mins. This lady came complete (*insert entendre here*) with 2 teenage girls who used to sling their used sanitary towels out into the street. Everyone has to have a hobby.
Another resident was a reformed alcoholic, Jesus nut, who (I found out after leaving) was stealing everyone's mail.
Behind door number 3 was the aggressive and noisey white van man, then came the disgruntled nurse. The one bedroomed flat upstairs was occupied by 3 quiet young men who only occassionally made noise, but which was always rhythmic.

Finally me. The transvestite. At this point I think I may lose a few of you, dear readers. Don't you worry though, where you read 'transvestite' think 'normal guy who has a larger taste in clothes' rather than 'freak who gets his thrills by dressing up as Lisa Minelli and masterbating in front of small dogs'. Ok, so perhaps the Lisa Minelli thing, but that's all.

So all in all, quite an exciting little house we had.

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